Boost Your Kindness Quotient with Energy Practices

ACEP • October 23, 2020

(By Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP) Most people recognize the value of kindness in their lives, giving and receiving generosity, consideration and friendliness. Research shows that kindness raises endorphins, reducing pain, enhances serotonin production, responsible for relaxation, happiness, and wound healing, and promotes oxytocin production, that reduces blood pressure, enhances heart health, and creates a surplus of loving feelings (www.randomactsofkindness.com). Even watching others behave in a kind fashion can make you feel good. You are then more likely to pay it forward to others, resulting in a “helper’s high” through being kind.


Though most would like to think of themselves as kind, there are circumstances and qualities that deter kindness, such as being under a time crunch, having conflicting needs, stress induced narrow thinking, and having negative thoughts about yourself. Energy practices can be used to boost your kindness quotient, making it more likely that kindness is part of your daily life.

Time Demands

It has been found that generous people are less likely to behave in a kind fashion when they are rushed or late to an appointment. Modern life seems to be speeding up, and with more people working remotely, work and private time seem to blend, decreasing the sense of relaxed spaciousness and leisure. As a result, people may be less likely to express acts of kindness.


Suggestions: One answer is to slow down. Energy practices, including energy psychology techniques, grounding and centering, and energy medicine approaches, bring you into the present moment. As well, deliberate breathing exercises, and focused intention can yield greater patience and awareness, increasing the chances of noticing kindness in others, and going beyond just thinking of being kind, but actually doing so. You might find these techniques of value for yourself or others: calm breathing, simplified self-havening, and/or breathing into balance.


Conflicting Needs

It is easy to be kind when your needs and desires are aligned with those of others. It is more difficult to be kind when cross purposes arise, from mild misunderstandings to full blown arguments. Likewise, you may want to be kind, but your act of giving to others may be seen as harmful to you in some way (or visa versa). For instance, offering an olive branch may lead to perceived or actual increased conflict, rather than peace making.


Suggestions: Being kind in the presence of conflicting needs requires creative problem solving. There may be a solution that is not obvious at first, one that satisfies the needs of both parties. Buying time by delaying action may also solve the problem. Perspective helps, taking a step back, as not all situations are remedied by kindness. Success is found more easily when objections to change, or blocks, have been discovered. Examples of blocks to kindness are, “If I am kind to Mary, she will get away with breaking the rules” or, “If I receive kindness, I’ll be seen as weak, and I may lose my competitive edge”. Using energy psychology to treat these blocks or obstacles may be a preliminary step forward, so kindness can be offered even when multiple needs seem to conflict.


Tunnel Vision

When you are stressed, in fight, flight, freeze or flop mode (run, fight, hide, play “dead”), in order to survive your senses become hyper focused, noticing limitation rather than possibility. Immediate detail becomes prominent, often accompanied by “what could possibly go wrong” mentality. You are less likely to generate creative solutions, or to trust the motivations of others, even if they are trying to be kind to you, misreading the signs around you. Kindness is less likely to be offered.


Suggestions: Energy practices can correcting the body’s tendency under stress to manifest polarity imbalances and neurological disorganization. When your energy is running optimally, all other systems are enhanced. Then you can apply your natural creative and intuitive tendencies to think broadly and consider multiple perspectives. Giving and receiving kindness flows from a state of safety, trust and perceived abundance. If you feel scrambled, using these energy techniques may create greater balance: the cross crawl/cross over shoulder pull, brain balancer, or balanced hook up.


Negative Self-Talk

We tend to be more critical of ourselves than others are of us. The inner voice that tells us what is wrong and why things can’t work arises more often than many realize. Sometimes this mode of speaking to oneself is so common, it goes unnoticed until and unless we slow down and pay attention. Thoughts like, “Why should I be kind to them when they don’t appreciate me?” or “What do I have to give to others, anyhow?”, stop us from finding out what happens after kindness is chosen as a social option. We can quiet the negative inner voice by offering kindness to ourselves instead.


Suggestions: Practice kindness self-talk, combined with negative self-talk such as that used in Emotional Freedom Techniques and other energy practices. For instance, “Even though I can be by own worst critic, I completely and totally love and accept myself.” Stating opposing yet truthful statements sets up a contrast that the brain must resolve. If it is true that I have negative statements about myself or others, and that I am a loving person, then there may be room for me to shift my belief that I am only capable of negative self-talk. While simultaneously tapping on the meridian endpoints, these statements offer a calming balm to body, mind and spirit, opening the door to new possibilities. This video shows how to practice Simple Emotional Freedom Technique.


Boost Your Kindness Quotient

It pays to enhance our kindness quotient, as kindness is positively related to increased self-regulation and decreased emotional reactivity, two factors that allow our better selves to appear. Our loved ones, workplace community, and the general public all benefit. When we slow down, reduce conflict, broaden our perspective and adopt positive thoughts, we are more open to seeing ourselves and others as doing the best we can given the circumstances. Then we can offer and accept kindness as the gift that it is.


Author


Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP is a licensed psychologist in Westlake Village, California, USA. Lori is president-elect of ACEP (www.energypsych.org), and chairs ACEP’s Communications Committee. She is certified in Comprehensive Energy Psychology, and is a Reiki master. Learn more about Dr. Hops at www.drlorihops.com. You can visit her Facebook page for A Tip A Day for Wellness Program at Facebook.com/Lori.Hops.

By Lori Chortkoff Hops • October 14, 2026
December 1961 - September 2026 Personal reflections by Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP, Former ACEP President Shockingly, we lost a great one. Teacher extraordinaire. Multitalented healer. Introspective thinker. Generously hearted. Craig Weiner lived life with gusto, whether vibing with international creative expressions of formal and street art or cherishing exotic cuisine, deftly climbing rocky heights, or sunset kayaking with whales in the sound. Craig was ever curious for the next adventure, delighted with spontaneous encounters with new and familiar souls and animals, sounds and colors. Holding a razor-sharp memory, Craig could easily quote an apt phrase, whether common or obscure, at a moment's notice , highlighting one of his many areas of expertise or fascination. How strange indeed to be left with the echoes of silence his memory traces through our collective grief. Only months before his passing from the physical form, Craig and his beloved wife and partner, Alina Frank , were newly settling into their home in sunny Mexico, far from their home of many years in the lush wetlands of the Pacific Northwest. In true Craig style, he befriended many people right away, while sharing his antics with those at home through his active social media sites. Many relished his detailed narratives with videos from stunning desert, sea, mountain, and waters of the world. Craig greeted people with glee, with his trusted dog Bibi (aka Habibi Bear) in tow. In true Craig fashion, Bibi sometimes was carried and worn like a scarf, riding on the back of Craig's neck. Craig gave unceasingly from his soul for the well-being of all, leaving an immeasurable impact on the field of energy healing. His accomplishments are broad and deep, and can be found listed on his website . In his brief time with us, though he accomplished much, he left many dreams unrealized. It is up to us to find our way to extend what we loved best about Craig, and make it happen with him in mind. Beyond his vast curricula of knowledge and products and classes, I was most touched by Craig's unceasing commitment to excellence, deeply sharing authentically from his heart moments of pain and joy, his snappy sense of humor, and his infectious smile with a hearty laugh asking us to meet his mood with our own joy. Craig's life is honored with two memorial services, in his two homes, with beloved friends and family. And we will all be able to track Craig's eternal spirit when we hear the splash of sea life, see silver light dancing on the water, and feel the warmth of love in laughing eyes, no matter the species. You can learn more about Craig's life story and work in his own words through this podcast interview with me . If you wish to donate to a charity in Craig Weiner's name, his wife Alina Frank has kindly requested choosing Jovenes Adelante . Jóvenes Adelante AC is a Mexican Donataria Autorizada; JA is a 501 (c) (3) non profit. All financial contributions are tax deductible. About the Autor Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP is a licensed psychologist in Westlake Village, California, USA. She is certified in Comprehensive Energy Psychology and Logosynthesis. Lori is a past ACEP president and Reiki master. Learn more about Lori at www.drlorihops.com . Lori teaches online intuition classes and consultation. Check out her podcast Healing Tips from the Heart: Helpers, Healers and Guides.
By Dawn Eidelman • October 14, 2026
Widening the Circle: The Ripple Effect (Part 1 of 3) 
By Amy Frost • October 14, 2026
When people hear the words humanitarian work, they may imagine traveling across the world to respond to a war, natural disaster, or humanitarian crisis. That work matters enormously. But over many years of working with veterans, military families, first responders, community leaders, and the ACEP Humanitarian Committee, I have learned something equally important: You do not have to travel across the world to change the world. You can begin with the community right in front of you. I grew up in a military family. I was born on an Air Force base. My uncle, a Navy pilot, died in a plane crash when I was very young. Years later, my husband Tom died during Desert Storm, and the life I thought I had mapped out suddenly disappeared. At the time, I had a successful career with the Department of Defense. I had an MBA. I knew how to organize, manage, execute, and get things done. Grief didn't particularly care. Eventually, my own search for healing led me to earn a master's degree in spiritual psychology. Over time, what began as my own journey became a calling to serve veterans and their families—and, increasingly, the many people who spend their lives serving others. Build Community Before the Crisis One of the most important lessons I have learned about humanitarian work is surprisingly simple: Don't just run in to help. Build relationships first. Years ago, through ACEP's humanitarian work, Suzanne Connolly, Dr. Kristin Miller, and I became involved in developing what evolved into a Veteran-to-Veteran project in Las Vegas. We didn't simply arrive with a program and tell veterans what we thought they needed. We reached out to people already trusted within the veteran community—leaders connected with the VA, Nevada veterans' services, veteran groups, and other community organizations. We listened. We built relationships and earned their buy-in. Then we introduced tools from Thought Field Therapy and energy psychology that they could use themselves and share within the circles where they already had trust. My job was not to become the center of the system. My job was to help strengthen the system that was already there. Our final formal training took place in April 2017. Six months later, on October 1, Las Vegas experienced a devastating mass shooting.  Suddenly, the relationships we had spent years cultivating mattered in ways none of us could have anticipated. I didn't have to figure out how to reach an entire traumatized city. The network already existed. I could reach the leaders I knew, support them, and help them support their own communities. Build community before the crisis. When something happens, you won't be starting from zero. The Ripples Create More Ripples Today, I continue working with veterans and their families throughout Las Vegas. I support the Rebel Vets community at UNLV when they need me, and I facilitate a monthly gathering at the City of North Las Vegas Veterans & Community Resource Center. We deliberately call it Women's Fun Day . Why? Because if we called it Suicide Prevention, a lot of people who need connection might never walk through the door. Women veterans come, but so do spouses, adult children, caregivers, and community supporters. We talk. We laugh. We practice something simple—a breathing technique, tapping, another self-regulation tool. Sometimes I support them. Sometimes they support me. And then something wonderful happens: people take what they learn and carry it somewhere else. One veteran I've known for years is now in pastry school and mentoring younger people there. She is sharing some of the practices she has learned with the young people she encounters. Others have created simple “walk and talk” gatherings in local parks or brought self-care practices into coffee shops and community groups. This is how humanitarian work grows: the ripples create more ripples. It doesn't always require a large grant, a formal program, or an airplane ticket. Sometimes it begins with a walk. Sometimes with coffee. Sometimes with one person asking another person, How are you, really? Hope Providers Need Hope, Too There is another part of humanitarian work that I believe we need to talk about much more openly. I call it providing hope for the hope providers . The people who spend their lives helping others—clinicians, first responders, veterans, caregivers, nonprofit leaders, teachers, humanitarians—can become extraordinarily good at appearing fine. They are often the people everyone else depends upon. That can make it very difficult for them to say, I need help. I think about suicide prevention through that wider lens. Long before someone reaches the most visible point of crisis, something may be disappearing mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Someone may continue running an organization, caring for a family, or serving a community while quietly running out of resources themselves. I know something about this personally. After my husband died, there were moments when I did not want to be here. I had to find my own way through that terrain. Years later, during the aftermath of the Las Vegas shooting, my own grief resurfaced. I had spent years learning about self-care and teaching it to other people. But I discovered another layer underneath all my competence and activity. I needed to learn how to receive care, too. If we want people to remain in the work for the long haul, we have to support the people doing the supporting. Why ACEP Matters to Me This is one reason ACEP has become so important in my life. ACEP gives me community. It gives me people with whom I can have conversations I don't get to have anywhere else. It gives me trusted resources and colleagues who understand this work from the inside. Through ACEP's Humanitarian Committee and our conferences, I have met people who became dear friends—and then became collaborators in doing good in the world. We support one another. We challenge one another. We remind one another to practice the very things we teach. And ACEP's humanitarian work has never been only about what one committee accomplishes. Its real power lies in what happens when someone gets an idea, finds a few kindred spirits, learns useful tools, and takes them home. One person mentors another. One project becomes another. One community develops its own capacity to respond. Eventually, we don't even know where all the ripples have traveled. That is a good thing. Start Where You Are So what would I say to someone who feels called to humanitarian work but doesn't know where to begin? Start where you are. Find something you genuinely care about. Find the people already doing the work and listen to them. Learn a few practices that can help people regulate stress and reconnect with themselves and one another. Make those practices simple and accessible. Find collaborators. Take care of yourself while you are doing it. And then give other people permission to take what works and make it their own. You do not have to do everything. You are not supposed to. Maybe your contribution is traveling to a community in crisis. Maybe it is supporting the people who do. Maybe it is mentoring one young practitioner, gathering veterans for coffee, teaching a breathing technique, checking on a caregiver, or simply believing in someone who has forgotten how to believe in themselves. Make it simple. Make it fun. Do what you're here to do. Then let the ripples travel. Because perhaps that is the deepest lesson humanitarian work has taught me: we are not here to rescue one another. We are here to build communities strong enough that we can care for one another. About the Author Amy Frost, MBA, MA Spiritual Psychology, is an educator, facilitator, trainer, coach, writer, and longtime humanitarian whose work has included veterans, military families, first responders, community servants, and those who support them. A longtime member of ACEP's Humanitarian Committee and ACEP's 2018 Humanitarian of the Year, Amy has spent decades developing community-based approaches to resilience, self-care, peer support, and humanitarian service. Image by qimono from Pixabay
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