Clearing the Shadow of Gratitude

Lori Hops, PhD, DCEP • August 3, 2022

“You’ll never meet a happy ungrateful person, or an unhappy grateful person because gratitude and happiness go together.” ― Zig Ziglar


“It is impossible to bring more abundance into your life if you are feeling ungrateful about what you already have. Why? Because the thoughts and feelings you emit as you feel ungrateful are negative emotions and they will attract more of those feelings and events into your life.” ―
Vishen Lakhiani


“I’d love to be grateful, if only I had a reason.” –
Anonymous client


 

Gratitude is heralded as a universal human virtue, a foundation of happiness and peaceful living. Families desire to raise grateful children, businesses aim to have grateful workers and customers, and religious practices in many languages are rich with prayers of gratitude. Although the concept of gratitude is simple to understand, it can be challenging to express sincere gratitude practices on a daily basis. Often unacknowledged are dynamics which can block gratitude from being experienced and shared. The shadow of gratitude, that which is hidden in the unconscious both personally and collectively, fortunately can be identified and modified, freeing gratitude’s benevolent nature. Then the shadow of gratitude can be cleared with easy-to-follow energy practices and tips, allowing enjoyment of gratitude’s gifts. 

 

Gratitude defined

Gratitude is defined as a strong feeling of appreciation or gratefulness, often to someone, or something which is done, to help you. We are commonly taught to say thank you when given presents, compliments, or acts of service, and to return a thoughtful kindness with the same type of gesture. Deep appreciation may be shared through tender eye contact, words of thanks, and simply spending quality time together. Gratitude toward nature, essence, the divine, all of humanity or the planet and heavens may be based on internal processes which are not shared with others. Such gratitude has been inspiration for grand literature, art and creativity. No matter the form, the state of gratitude does not just feel good as a passing fancy. Scientific studies have found lasting and positive benefits of gratitude.

 

Benefits of gratitude

Research suggests gratitude affirms goodness by acknowledging sources of gratitude outside ourselves. Gratitude practices can enhance many aspects of living. 

  • Physically, people are found to have improved sleep, lower blood pressure, prevention of overeating, and improved pain tolerance.

  • Hormone and brain health are achieved through activating the bliss centers of the brain, enhancing dopamine and serotonin production which are linked to happiness, and regulating stress hormones to reduce anxiety and fear. 

  • Mind and body interface with better managed grief reactions, and improvement of low mood through chemical changes and positive beliefs. 

  • Interpersonally, gratitude practices create greater capacity for forgiveness, and strengthen relationships, both personal and in the workplace. 


The shadow of gratitude

If the benefits of gratitude practices are widely documented and seen as helpful by many, why aren’t more people acting and feeling grateful both easily and more often? The unbounded natural sheer joy of gratefulness is often hampered by unacknowledged factors, mostly cultural and familial in origin. Bringing awareness to these inherited and contemporary hidden beliefs can provide a chance to examine them in the light, and then make conscious changes so gratitude can become a cherished habit. You may find some of these common blocks to gratitude in your own life. If so, keep reading for tips to help clear them.


Vulnerability

If you feel your gratitude, you may also recall times you were not grateful, or were disappointed or alone in your gratitude. It may be too painful to remember or experience when gratitude experiences had failed or gratitude was submerged because it was not allowed to be expressed. Such vulnerability may be a deterrent against future gratitude encounters.


Greed

If you are grateful for what you are experiencing, especially if you name it to self or others, you may fear you are cursing the good fortune, and it could be taken away. Likewise, you may be seen as selfish to want more than you have already. It is best to be grateful for what you have, be happy with your lot, even if it does not feel like enough.


Embarrassment

If your gratefulness is especially compelling or profound, you may fear overwhelming yourself or others with your enthusiastic gratefulness. You may be concerned that you would look crazy or weak or foolish if gratefulness pours out of you. Best to keep those feelings inside. Notice how often people apologize when they cry, even with tears of joy?


Jealousy

Your gratitude could make others feel jealous. They may ask, “Why do you have good fortune or happiness and not me? What makes you so special? “ They may try to reverse your good fortune or take away your happiness.


Insincerity

Stating your gratitude to another person could be perceived as insincere. The thought is that your thanks might be suspect, possibly exaggerated or flatly untrue. You could be seen as a fake or phony.


Indebtedness

If you are thanked, maybe there is an expectation that you owe the person a debt in return. Gratitude can be seen as transactional, as in what do you want from me now? Or now I am obliged to return the favor, which can become a burden.


Rejection

Your gratitude may not be received or understood as sent. If I open up to you with my vulnerable gratitude, you may scoff or not understand or be nonchalant. Unrequited love or misunderstandings could be the result.


10 ways to release the shadow of gratitude

How do you manage the risky business of gratitude? Try following these tips to clear the shadow of gratitude, so you can let your heart sing with joy. 


  1. Gratitude is your birthright
    Embrace your innate capacity to be grateful. We all have gratitude it even if we were not taught how to work with it or share it with others. Childlike abandon of gleeful gratitude is your birthright. The more you make space for it in your life, give it permission to grow, the more it will enhance your daily life. 

  2. Protecting yourself is a natural defense
    It is okay and normal to squash tender feelings, as we’ve all been burned and encouraged to hide vulnerability as a coping technique. Repeated heartache and disappointment teach people to tuck in their heart’s longings and satisfactions. Stop fighting what is, and know you are not alone in wanting to protect your wounded heart.

  3. Be gentle with your pain
    Opening up to gratitude may unearth sorrows and pain. Sincere gratitude may open you to unexplored grief, anger, disconnection, disappointment, frustrations and more. If so, seek help to shore up your reserves so you can be safely witnessed, then able to tolerate painful memories and feelings and beliefs.

  4. Gradually reveal the gems
    Once you clear the messiness of pain, there are gems hidden inside. Let them out slowly, with safety and trust, if even addressed to yourself in a letter you later burn, or a voice memo you erase. Don't let the pain stop you from finding your treasure.

  5. Let nature be your teacher
    Watch natural spontaneous examples of gratitude in animals and babies as they squeal with joy and abandon when they are happy. Take in what they do, and imitate it: deep eye contact, happy sounds, consensual touch, playfulness, glee.

  6. Find respite in your body
    Discover the sensory experiences you are grateful for and explore them, pushing yourself in a good way to tolerate pleasure and happiness. Let your body teach you how to bring gratefulness into the sensory and movement aspects of living, aspects you may have forgotten or buried.

  7. List your bliss
    Write detailed gratitude lists, for simple to deep moments. Hold space for the emotional and memory swirls which surface. Review it over time to notice your progress and process.

  8. Clear debris with energy practices
    Learn energy practices to release blocks or challenges to gratitude. You can work with self-reflection, or 
    find a practitioner on the ACEP website or other places, who can work with you.

  9. Keep it real with your people
    Be ready to have a frank talk with others as you share your gratitude with them. Go slowly, and be brief. And be ready for greater intimacy to ensue, both with joy and sorrow as you open your heart. Allow them to share their gratitude with you. If it feels uncomfortable, keep going as you acclimate to new ways of receiving love.

  10. Share what you know
    Often the best way to learn is to teach. Find eager others to share your wisdom and learn from them. Often overlooked are those we spend time with on a daily basis. The more consistent you are with your gratitude practices, the more you and others will benefit.


There are many layers of conditioning in families, society and media to block the freedom of gratitude, despite agreeing that being in gratefulness is a good way to live. Pay attention to habits and traditions covering up gratitude, and instead establish new ways of being thankful. It takes time and attention to create new patterns. You are well on your way simply by noticing asking questions of how you can be grateful for your life. 



Want to learn more? 

How Gratitude Changes You and your Brain (2017)

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain


Gratitude article in Psychology Today

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gratitude


Article on science of gratitude

https://research.com/education/scientific-benefits-of-gratitude


Access this free guide about
clearing blocks with energy psychology.  You can customize it for your blocks to gratitude.

 

Read about using energy practices to remove common blocks in this blog. 


Find an energy psychology practitioner who can help you.

 


Author

Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP, is a licensed psychologist in Westlake Village, California, USA. She is certified in Comprehensive Energy Psychology and Logosynthesis. Lori is president of ACEP (www.energypsych.org), and is a Reiki master. Learn more about Lori at www.drlorihops.com. 



Shadows of Gratitude

Lori Hops

 

To be thankful and grateful may open Pandora's box

Instead of "Yes, it's true!" you may receive lots

of reasons your seasons once fine, turned to ruin

for all of the misgivings and misaligned feelings

that others can't share your internal knowings.

To thank what is, could peel back layers of grief,

unrequited love, misunderstood belief.

Better to be silent, to hold it all in,

than harm a heart heavy with love unspoken.

Else it explodes into rivers of brightly held dreams

creating tsunamis of thankfulness schemes.

Best to live life releasing love through all altitude

to avoid mass causalities from an avalanche of gratitude.

 

From A Tip a Day for Wellness and Inspiration

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/lori.hops

www.drlorihops.com


By Lori Chortkoff Hops • October 14, 2026
December 1961 - September 2026 Personal reflections by Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP, Former ACEP President Shockingly, we lost a great one. Teacher extraordinaire. Multitalented healer. Introspective thinker. Generously hearted. Craig Weiner lived life with gusto, whether vibing with international creative expressions of formal and street art or cherishing exotic cuisine, deftly climbing rocky heights, or sunset kayaking with whales in the sound. Craig was ever curious for the next adventure, delighted with spontaneous encounters with new and familiar souls and animals, sounds and colors. Holding a razor-sharp memory, Craig could easily quote an apt phrase, whether common or obscure, at a moment's notice , highlighting one of his many areas of expertise or fascination. How strange indeed to be left with the echoes of silence his memory traces through our collective grief. Only months before his passing from the physical form, Craig and his beloved wife and partner, Alina Frank , were newly settling into their home in sunny Mexico, far from their home of many years in the lush wetlands of the Pacific Northwest. In true Craig style, he befriended many people right away, while sharing his antics with those at home through his active social media sites. Many relished his detailed narratives with videos from stunning desert, sea, mountain, and waters of the world. Craig greeted people with glee, with his trusted dog Bibi (aka Habibi Bear) in tow. In true Craig fashion, Bibi sometimes was carried and worn like a scarf, riding on the back of Craig's neck. Craig gave unceasingly from his soul for the well-being of all, leaving an immeasurable impact on the field of energy healing. His accomplishments are broad and deep, and can be found listed on his website . In his brief time with us, though he accomplished much, he left many dreams unrealized. It is up to us to find our way to extend what we loved best about Craig, and make it happen with him in mind. Beyond his vast curricula of knowledge and products and classes, I was most touched by Craig's unceasing commitment to excellence, deeply sharing authentically from his heart moments of pain and joy, his snappy sense of humor, and his infectious smile with a hearty laugh asking us to meet his mood with our own joy. Craig's life is honored with two memorial services, in his two homes, with beloved friends and family. And we will all be able to track Craig's eternal spirit when we hear the splash of sea life, see silver light dancing on the water, and feel the warmth of love in laughing eyes, no matter the species. You can learn more about Craig's life story and work in his own words through this podcast interview with me . If you wish to donate to a charity in Craig Weiner's name, his wife Alina Frank has kindly requested choosing Jovenes Adelante . Jóvenes Adelante AC is a Mexican Donataria Autorizada; JA is a 501 (c) (3) non profit. All financial contributions are tax deductible. About the Autor Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP is a licensed psychologist in Westlake Village, California, USA. She is certified in Comprehensive Energy Psychology and Logosynthesis. Lori is a past ACEP president and Reiki master. Learn more about Lori at www.drlorihops.com . Lori teaches online intuition classes and consultation. Check out her podcast Healing Tips from the Heart: Helpers, Healers and Guides.
By Dawn Eidelman • October 14, 2026
Widening the Circle: The Ripple Effect (Part 1 of 3) 
By Amy Frost • October 14, 2026
When people hear the words humanitarian work, they may imagine traveling across the world to respond to a war, natural disaster, or humanitarian crisis. That work matters enormously. But over many years of working with veterans, military families, first responders, community leaders, and the ACEP Humanitarian Committee, I have learned something equally important: You do not have to travel across the world to change the world. You can begin with the community right in front of you. I grew up in a military family. I was born on an Air Force base. My uncle, a Navy pilot, died in a plane crash when I was very young. Years later, my husband Tom died during Desert Storm, and the life I thought I had mapped out suddenly disappeared. At the time, I had a successful career with the Department of Defense. I had an MBA. I knew how to organize, manage, execute, and get things done. Grief didn't particularly care. Eventually, my own search for healing led me to earn a master's degree in spiritual psychology. Over time, what began as my own journey became a calling to serve veterans and their families—and, increasingly, the many people who spend their lives serving others. Build Community Before the Crisis One of the most important lessons I have learned about humanitarian work is surprisingly simple: Don't just run in to help. Build relationships first. Years ago, through ACEP's humanitarian work, Suzanne Connolly, Dr. Kristin Miller, and I became involved in developing what evolved into a Veteran-to-Veteran project in Las Vegas. We didn't simply arrive with a program and tell veterans what we thought they needed. We reached out to people already trusted within the veteran community—leaders connected with the VA, Nevada veterans' services, veteran groups, and other community organizations. We listened. We built relationships and earned their buy-in. Then we introduced tools from Thought Field Therapy and energy psychology that they could use themselves and share within the circles where they already had trust. My job was not to become the center of the system. My job was to help strengthen the system that was already there. Our final formal training took place in April 2017. Six months later, on October 1, Las Vegas experienced a devastating mass shooting.  Suddenly, the relationships we had spent years cultivating mattered in ways none of us could have anticipated. I didn't have to figure out how to reach an entire traumatized city. The network already existed. I could reach the leaders I knew, support them, and help them support their own communities. Build community before the crisis. When something happens, you won't be starting from zero. The Ripples Create More Ripples Today, I continue working with veterans and their families throughout Las Vegas. I support the Rebel Vets community at UNLV when they need me, and I facilitate a monthly gathering at the City of North Las Vegas Veterans & Community Resource Center. We deliberately call it Women's Fun Day . Why? Because if we called it Suicide Prevention, a lot of people who need connection might never walk through the door. Women veterans come, but so do spouses, adult children, caregivers, and community supporters. We talk. We laugh. We practice something simple—a breathing technique, tapping, another self-regulation tool. Sometimes I support them. Sometimes they support me. And then something wonderful happens: people take what they learn and carry it somewhere else. One veteran I've known for years is now in pastry school and mentoring younger people there. She is sharing some of the practices she has learned with the young people she encounters. Others have created simple “walk and talk” gatherings in local parks or brought self-care practices into coffee shops and community groups. This is how humanitarian work grows: the ripples create more ripples. It doesn't always require a large grant, a formal program, or an airplane ticket. Sometimes it begins with a walk. Sometimes with coffee. Sometimes with one person asking another person, How are you, really? Hope Providers Need Hope, Too There is another part of humanitarian work that I believe we need to talk about much more openly. I call it providing hope for the hope providers . The people who spend their lives helping others—clinicians, first responders, veterans, caregivers, nonprofit leaders, teachers, humanitarians—can become extraordinarily good at appearing fine. They are often the people everyone else depends upon. That can make it very difficult for them to say, I need help. I think about suicide prevention through that wider lens. Long before someone reaches the most visible point of crisis, something may be disappearing mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Someone may continue running an organization, caring for a family, or serving a community while quietly running out of resources themselves. I know something about this personally. After my husband died, there were moments when I did not want to be here. I had to find my own way through that terrain. Years later, during the aftermath of the Las Vegas shooting, my own grief resurfaced. I had spent years learning about self-care and teaching it to other people. But I discovered another layer underneath all my competence and activity. I needed to learn how to receive care, too. If we want people to remain in the work for the long haul, we have to support the people doing the supporting. Why ACEP Matters to Me This is one reason ACEP has become so important in my life. ACEP gives me community. It gives me people with whom I can have conversations I don't get to have anywhere else. It gives me trusted resources and colleagues who understand this work from the inside. Through ACEP's Humanitarian Committee and our conferences, I have met people who became dear friends—and then became collaborators in doing good in the world. We support one another. We challenge one another. We remind one another to practice the very things we teach. And ACEP's humanitarian work has never been only about what one committee accomplishes. Its real power lies in what happens when someone gets an idea, finds a few kindred spirits, learns useful tools, and takes them home. One person mentors another. One project becomes another. One community develops its own capacity to respond. Eventually, we don't even know where all the ripples have traveled. That is a good thing. Start Where You Are So what would I say to someone who feels called to humanitarian work but doesn't know where to begin? Start where you are. Find something you genuinely care about. Find the people already doing the work and listen to them. Learn a few practices that can help people regulate stress and reconnect with themselves and one another. Make those practices simple and accessible. Find collaborators. Take care of yourself while you are doing it. And then give other people permission to take what works and make it their own. You do not have to do everything. You are not supposed to. Maybe your contribution is traveling to a community in crisis. Maybe it is supporting the people who do. Maybe it is mentoring one young practitioner, gathering veterans for coffee, teaching a breathing technique, checking on a caregiver, or simply believing in someone who has forgotten how to believe in themselves. Make it simple. Make it fun. Do what you're here to do. Then let the ripples travel. Because perhaps that is the deepest lesson humanitarian work has taught me: we are not here to rescue one another. We are here to build communities strong enough that we can care for one another. About the Author Amy Frost, MBA, MA Spiritual Psychology, is an educator, facilitator, trainer, coach, writer, and longtime humanitarian whose work has included veterans, military families, first responders, community servants, and those who support them. A longtime member of ACEP's Humanitarian Committee and ACEP's 2018 Humanitarian of the Year, Amy has spent decades developing community-based approaches to resilience, self-care, peer support, and humanitarian service. Image by qimono from Pixabay
More Posts