Healthy Tips for Disarming Difficult Situations

Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP • August 14, 2024

We all face difficulties in life, as this is part of the human condition. Whether it’s engaging in the same old argument you’ve had before, being inundated by an onslaught of negativity and doomsday predictions or feeling like a dark cloud follows you everywhere you turn, sometimes life can seem heavy and burdensome. When we feel stuck or hopeless, the lessons become buried under confusion and obscurity. However, life presents opportunities for us to learn from such problems. Keep reading for tips that can help you disarm difficult situations. 

Adopt neutrality

This first tip may be the hardest of all, yet one of the most important to access. If you are experiencing problems and challenges, extreme frustration, overwhelm, fear, numbness or racing thoughts, it may seem this is all life has to offer.


However, beyond or beneath these immediate reactions there lies a place of neutrality. To move from chaos to evenhandedness, neither being swayed one way or another, you may first remind yourself the immediate situation is temporary and specific, even though it may not seem that way.


Take a time out and switch the narrative by changing your physical and/or mental state.


  • A walk outdoors, being in water, or time spent in deep breathing may work wonders.



  • Music and movement may help invite a balanced view.


  • Recalling a gentler time, even using olfactory cues, like smelling your favorite fragrance, may kickstart your brain to more balanced states.


If you can’t feel neutral, just knowing that neutrality exists may open the door to a change in perspective. You’ve been neutral before, and you will be once again.
 

Disengage from drama

High intensity drama seems to be everywhere: on social media, in politics, the press, and personal relationships. Though conflict and division are compelling ways to draw in attention, extended drama does not lead to stability, collaboration, or nuanced communication, which is often necessary to build long term viable solutions.


It takes concerted effort to disengage from the fight, flight, freeze reaction of being around high jinks and hysteria. Try these strategies to disengage from drama:


  • Remember the strongest energy commands the space, be it a brawl, inflammatory words, or even positive things like an orchestra performance or a delightful sunset.


  • Try to match the prevailing drama with a stronger healthier energy, or if that is not possible, disengage as much as possible from the drama. You can still take in the message but not necessarily the method or the messenger.


  • Change the way you communicate: Read material instead of watching and listening to control the pace of information. Move away from those who are currently agitated so you can find peace. Engage in discernment and logical analysis to find your truth. Listen with your heart for direction, examine your values to see what is a match and what is not.
     
     

Be still in your awareness

It takes concerted effort to still the mind, finding quiet amidst the noise. The more you carve out time to practice detached awareness, the easier it will be to reign in the mind when things around you are in motion. Consciousness is grander than you may realize.


If you can find a way to expand your view, being simultaneously engaged in the immediate experience and at a distance from it, you may gain perspective, find your center, tap into wisdom, and have clarity of thought. Three suggestions may help you achieve balanced awareness. 
 
 

Engage with energy psychology practices

There are various energy psychology and energy healing practices to help you gain stability, balance, and equanimity with mind, body and spirit. If you already know some energy practices, take time for yourself and simply do it. Often it only takes a few minutes to experience a shift in your current state.


If you’re new to energy practices, or want to expand your options for assistance, check out methods which can enhance your wellbeing:





Learn and follow along with a variety of stand-alone techniques on video, with downloadable instructions, all found on one website, like the soothing butterfly hug, found on the ACEP website under Resources for Resilience. You can also read this ACEP blog for more ideas about self-care and energy practices.
 

See solutions manifesting gently and effortlessly

No matter which approaches you adopt, start off with a positive outlook, intention, or affirmation to set the stage for what you want. Otherwise, you risk creating more of the same or worsening effects. Try these techniques to see your solutions manifesting:


  • Visualize, speak aloud or silently in your mind, feel in your body, or use other approaches to bring alive optimal solutions.


  • See, feel or hear the desired outcome rushing to joyously greet you, manifesting peacefulness, neutrality or other goals both gently and effortlessly.


  • Make up your own script, image or affirmation for each situation you encounter.
    If there is time, speak your intention into a recording device, and play it back when you are relaxed, so it sinks into your receptive mind and body.


If you have trouble reaching goals, consider reading this blog on clearing blocks using energy practices, for helpful tips and ideas. 
 

Collaborate with unexpected places, people, sources

Once you commit to a path of possibility, unexpected people, places, situations, and sources may appear with suggestions or support of your goals. Maybe they were there all along, but now the timing is ripe for you to notice and access them.


It is said that every problem is created with the solution already inside. Let others and the outer world take care of you in your desire to find what you seek. Read more about boosting your kindness quotient in this ACEP blog. If it is difficult to muster positive thoughts, this ACEP blog about clearing the shadow of gratitude may be helpful.
 

Disarming difficult situations by being natural, easy, and fluid

It may not be easy to establish a vibration of heart-centered alignment even in the best of times. Upheaval and consternation are compelling forces, but you can try each time anew to establish a stance which is natural, easy, and fluid. Even when times are challenging, disarming difficult situations can be harnessed with your mind, body and spirit, which are built to reside in homeostasis. Give yourself the home team advantage by returning to your essence, the inner spark of uniqueness that is wholly your own. Find the sometimes elusive yet foundational quality of innate wellbeing.
 

Want to learn more? Build your skills, find community, or read more.

ACEP’s EFT online training course can give you tools for self-care and professional development with Emotional Freedom Techniques. 


Communities of practice are online gatherings with ACEP members and others who have similar interests with energy psychology, skill development, and support. Find your people to achieve your goals. These communities are only open to ACEP members.


Resources for Resilience offers free online self-help videos and documents with easy-to-follow energy practices for wellbeing. Brochures are translated in many languages.

 

Many thanks to Dorothea Hover-Kramer, Ed D, RN, of blessed memory and ACEP cofounder, who supplied the inspiration for this blog.


Author

Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP is a licensed psychologist in Westlake Village, California, USA. She is certified in Comprehensive Energy Psychology and Logosynthesis and is a Reiki master. Lori is president of ACEP. Learn more about Lori at www.drlorihops.com. Lori teaches online developing intuition classes and offers personal intuition consultation. 


Photo by Sunguk Kim on Unsplash


 

By Lori Chortkoff Hops • October 14, 2026
December 1961 - September 2026 Personal reflections by Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP, Former ACEP President Shockingly, we lost a great one. Teacher extraordinaire. Multitalented healer. Introspective thinker. Generously hearted. Craig Weiner lived life with gusto, whether vibing with international creative expressions of formal and street art or cherishing exotic cuisine, deftly climbing rocky heights, or sunset kayaking with whales in the sound. Craig was ever curious for the next adventure, delighted with spontaneous encounters with new and familiar souls and animals, sounds and colors. Holding a razor-sharp memory, Craig could easily quote an apt phrase, whether common or obscure, at a moment's notice , highlighting one of his many areas of expertise or fascination. How strange indeed to be left with the echoes of silence his memory traces through our collective grief. Only months before his passing from the physical form, Craig and his beloved wife and partner, Alina Frank , were newly settling into their home in sunny Mexico, far from their home of many years in the lush wetlands of the Pacific Northwest. In true Craig style, he befriended many people right away, while sharing his antics with those at home through his active social media sites. Many relished his detailed narratives with videos from stunning desert, sea, mountain, and waters of the world. Craig greeted people with glee, with his trusted dog Bibi (aka Habibi Bear) in tow. In true Craig fashion, Bibi sometimes was carried and worn like a scarf, riding on the back of Craig's neck. Craig gave unceasingly from his soul for the well-being of all, leaving an immeasurable impact on the field of energy healing. His accomplishments are broad and deep, and can be found listed on his website . In his brief time with us, though he accomplished much, he left many dreams unrealized. It is up to us to find our way to extend what we loved best about Craig, and make it happen with him in mind. Beyond his vast curricula of knowledge and products and classes, I was most touched by Craig's unceasing commitment to excellence, deeply sharing authentically from his heart moments of pain and joy, his snappy sense of humor, and his infectious smile with a hearty laugh asking us to meet his mood with our own joy. Craig's life is honored with two memorial services, in his two homes, with beloved friends and family. And we will all be able to track Craig's eternal spirit when we hear the splash of sea life, see silver light dancing on the water, and feel the warmth of love in laughing eyes, no matter the species. You can learn more about Craig's life story and work in his own words through this podcast interview with me . If you wish to donate to a charity in Craig Weiner's name, his wife Alina Frank has kindly requested choosing Jovenes Adelante . Jóvenes Adelante AC is a Mexican Donataria Autorizada; JA is a 501 (c) (3) non profit. All financial contributions are tax deductible. About the Autor Lori Chortkoff Hops, PhD, DCEP is a licensed psychologist in Westlake Village, California, USA. She is certified in Comprehensive Energy Psychology and Logosynthesis. Lori is a past ACEP president and Reiki master. Learn more about Lori at www.drlorihops.com . Lori teaches online intuition classes and consultation. Check out her podcast Healing Tips from the Heart: Helpers, Healers and Guides.
By Dawn Eidelman • October 14, 2026
Widening the Circle: The Ripple Effect (Part 1 of 3) 
By Amy Frost • October 14, 2026
When people hear the words humanitarian work, they may imagine traveling across the world to respond to a war, natural disaster, or humanitarian crisis. That work matters enormously. But over many years of working with veterans, military families, first responders, community leaders, and the ACEP Humanitarian Committee, I have learned something equally important: You do not have to travel across the world to change the world. You can begin with the community right in front of you. I grew up in a military family. I was born on an Air Force base. My uncle, a Navy pilot, died in a plane crash when I was very young. Years later, my husband Tom died during Desert Storm, and the life I thought I had mapped out suddenly disappeared. At the time, I had a successful career with the Department of Defense. I had an MBA. I knew how to organize, manage, execute, and get things done. Grief didn't particularly care. Eventually, my own search for healing led me to earn a master's degree in spiritual psychology. Over time, what began as my own journey became a calling to serve veterans and their families—and, increasingly, the many people who spend their lives serving others. Build Community Before the Crisis One of the most important lessons I have learned about humanitarian work is surprisingly simple: Don't just run in to help. Build relationships first. Years ago, through ACEP's humanitarian work, Suzanne Connolly, Dr. Kristin Miller, and I became involved in developing what evolved into a Veteran-to-Veteran project in Las Vegas. We didn't simply arrive with a program and tell veterans what we thought they needed. We reached out to people already trusted within the veteran community—leaders connected with the VA, Nevada veterans' services, veteran groups, and other community organizations. We listened. We built relationships and earned their buy-in. Then we introduced tools from Thought Field Therapy and energy psychology that they could use themselves and share within the circles where they already had trust. My job was not to become the center of the system. My job was to help strengthen the system that was already there. Our final formal training took place in April 2017. Six months later, on October 1, Las Vegas experienced a devastating mass shooting.  Suddenly, the relationships we had spent years cultivating mattered in ways none of us could have anticipated. I didn't have to figure out how to reach an entire traumatized city. The network already existed. I could reach the leaders I knew, support them, and help them support their own communities. Build community before the crisis. When something happens, you won't be starting from zero. The Ripples Create More Ripples Today, I continue working with veterans and their families throughout Las Vegas. I support the Rebel Vets community at UNLV when they need me, and I facilitate a monthly gathering at the City of North Las Vegas Veterans & Community Resource Center. We deliberately call it Women's Fun Day . Why? Because if we called it Suicide Prevention, a lot of people who need connection might never walk through the door. Women veterans come, but so do spouses, adult children, caregivers, and community supporters. We talk. We laugh. We practice something simple—a breathing technique, tapping, another self-regulation tool. Sometimes I support them. Sometimes they support me. And then something wonderful happens: people take what they learn and carry it somewhere else. One veteran I've known for years is now in pastry school and mentoring younger people there. She is sharing some of the practices she has learned with the young people she encounters. Others have created simple “walk and talk” gatherings in local parks or brought self-care practices into coffee shops and community groups. This is how humanitarian work grows: the ripples create more ripples. It doesn't always require a large grant, a formal program, or an airplane ticket. Sometimes it begins with a walk. Sometimes with coffee. Sometimes with one person asking another person, How are you, really? Hope Providers Need Hope, Too There is another part of humanitarian work that I believe we need to talk about much more openly. I call it providing hope for the hope providers . The people who spend their lives helping others—clinicians, first responders, veterans, caregivers, nonprofit leaders, teachers, humanitarians—can become extraordinarily good at appearing fine. They are often the people everyone else depends upon. That can make it very difficult for them to say, I need help. I think about suicide prevention through that wider lens. Long before someone reaches the most visible point of crisis, something may be disappearing mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Someone may continue running an organization, caring for a family, or serving a community while quietly running out of resources themselves. I know something about this personally. After my husband died, there were moments when I did not want to be here. I had to find my own way through that terrain. Years later, during the aftermath of the Las Vegas shooting, my own grief resurfaced. I had spent years learning about self-care and teaching it to other people. But I discovered another layer underneath all my competence and activity. I needed to learn how to receive care, too. If we want people to remain in the work for the long haul, we have to support the people doing the supporting. Why ACEP Matters to Me This is one reason ACEP has become so important in my life. ACEP gives me community. It gives me people with whom I can have conversations I don't get to have anywhere else. It gives me trusted resources and colleagues who understand this work from the inside. Through ACEP's Humanitarian Committee and our conferences, I have met people who became dear friends—and then became collaborators in doing good in the world. We support one another. We challenge one another. We remind one another to practice the very things we teach. And ACEP's humanitarian work has never been only about what one committee accomplishes. Its real power lies in what happens when someone gets an idea, finds a few kindred spirits, learns useful tools, and takes them home. One person mentors another. One project becomes another. One community develops its own capacity to respond. Eventually, we don't even know where all the ripples have traveled. That is a good thing. Start Where You Are So what would I say to someone who feels called to humanitarian work but doesn't know where to begin? Start where you are. Find something you genuinely care about. Find the people already doing the work and listen to them. Learn a few practices that can help people regulate stress and reconnect with themselves and one another. Make those practices simple and accessible. Find collaborators. Take care of yourself while you are doing it. And then give other people permission to take what works and make it their own. You do not have to do everything. You are not supposed to. Maybe your contribution is traveling to a community in crisis. Maybe it is supporting the people who do. Maybe it is mentoring one young practitioner, gathering veterans for coffee, teaching a breathing technique, checking on a caregiver, or simply believing in someone who has forgotten how to believe in themselves. Make it simple. Make it fun. Do what you're here to do. Then let the ripples travel. Because perhaps that is the deepest lesson humanitarian work has taught me: we are not here to rescue one another. We are here to build communities strong enough that we can care for one another. About the Author Amy Frost, MBA, MA Spiritual Psychology, is an educator, facilitator, trainer, coach, writer, and longtime humanitarian whose work has included veterans, military families, first responders, community servants, and those who support them. A longtime member of ACEP's Humanitarian Committee and ACEP's 2018 Humanitarian of the Year, Amy has spent decades developing community-based approaches to resilience, self-care, peer support, and humanitarian service. Image by qimono from Pixabay
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